My spiritual path with ACIM and many other teachings has brought me peace, wisdom, and happiness. It has given me new purpose in life and it is the foundation of what motivates me to do almost anything I do anymore. It has given me a new overview of life that puts things in perspective to the point that I see that there really is order and meaning in all of this. However, sometimes I get bored.

This boredom is based on a weird nostalgia for my former, blind, pleasure-seeking life. What is enticing about this life was that I believed things like food, alcohol, sex, parties, and prestige would bring me happiness. I got those things once in a while and had moments of euphoria. In the ego-driven life, those moments of euphoria are life. It was a constant pursuit of one pleasure or one distraction after another. Somewhere in my mind I wondered why the moments did not last, but that would have taken me down the rabbit hole that I was not ready to fall down.

Now that I have the teachings of A Course in Miracles [ACIM], I know I can't go back to that place. I know better now. However, I still find that I like to pretend that I'm ignorant and that maybe “one more shot” down that path would be worth a try. I recently went through a four to sixth month phase with a little too much excess. I knew things were getting away from me so I sought the help of a counselor and we got things straightened back out.

What is hard about the spiritual life is that it is not marked by intense highs. My former life was marked by events and moments that I idolized as what brought me happiness. Things such as vacations, promotions, and parties were my focus. The down side to the focus on the external is that nothings lasts forever so the highs felt in those times were always followed by lows or depression. Eventually this roller coaster ride got old. I decided “there must be another way”.

The “way” I have found is to harvest peace and happiness within myself. This path is not marked by extreme highs, but the benefit is that it doesn't have such extreme lows. It's as if God is taking the two ends of the roller coaster track and pulling it apart so that all of the dips and loops become less and less extreme. The eventual goal is a serene, flat path.

A flat path could seem boring (and sometimes it does) but in reality, it is the true path. “Highs” are replaced by a peaceful knowing. There are also different kinds of elevated experiences. They are the holy instants, miracles, revelations, or mystical experiences that give me glimpses into why I should stay disciplined in my study and practice.

The world is a place chock-full of sexy distractions and pleasures. It is easy for me to want to pretend for a while that they will take me somewhere other than eventual suffering. The problem is that I know better now and all that I'm doing is playing a losing game. It has come to the point that I teach myself lessons that I am already quite aware of. It isn't just about my learning lessons anymore, but about my simply me being foolish and having “vain imaginings”.

I have a new focus and am excited about my path like never before. May I remember that trust is the most important attribute of a teacher of God. I must continue to trust that my path to God is the only path I need to be concerned about.

Blessings,

Daniel